BY: ADAM THRUSH
Remember that kid in class who was always sketching dicks onto his desk? Or maybe the one that simply never stopped talking about them? You may not have expected that a child with such an obsession could turn it into something great (world renowned even), however that is exactly what Sigurdur Hjartarson has done. This is the story of the world’s largest collection of penises, the Icelandic Phallological Museum.
Growing up on the coast of Iceland, Hjartarson’s fascination with the male member stems back to his childhood. He would commonly pass his summers away from his parent’s home at the farm of relatives. One of these summers he was given a pizzle (a dried bull’s penis) to help herd cows on the ranch; this moment aroused a lifelong curiosity and interest lasting more than 60 years.
Earning a living as a principal, professor and writer of Latin American studies, Hjartarson’s growing collection began to gather attention in the early 80s when he had gathered over 30 items. He explains that his coworkers, that worked the coastal whaling stations during the summer, would tease him by bringing him whale penises (which he graciously accepted, of course). After decades of showing these off in his own home and continually collecting samples from both aquatic and land mammals, he opened up the Icelandic Phallological Museum in 1997 with 62 pieces in Reykjavik. Nowadays, he holds more than 300 specimens from every mammal species in Iceland (including human), along with hundreds of other dick related artifacts including personally carved phallic-shaped wood sculptures and lampshades made out of bull and ram testicles (hair still attached).
If you’ve ever wanted to compare yourself to other mammals, this is the place to go. Is it a closer match to that of a raccoon or a seal? A coyote or a giraffe? Or maybe that of an average human male? This will settle the debate.
*disclaimer: please don’t actually compare yourselves in the museum (or in general). I’m fairly certain you’ll be arrested by Icelandic police.
The phallic craze not only stuck with the founder, it was passed down to his own children as well. His son now manages the museum in Reykjavik, while his daughter also contributed to the museum’s unique displays in her own way. When the Icelandic Men’s Olympic handball team won the silver medal at the 2008 Beijing Olympics she decided that would celebrate or congratulate them by would sculpting each player’s penis solely based on assumptions. Studying their appearances in the team photo, having never actually met the players herself, she judged the shape and size of each one. The outcome (picture below) entertained the country, while flattering and angering members of the team who thought that her assumptions were incorrect and embarrassing for them. Many were upset that they weren’t consulted about it’s appearance beforehand.
In 2012, the documentary “The Final Member” by two Canadian filmmakers was released. It profiled the men who had agreed to donate the first human specimen to the museum. They had offered it up after death, while one was willing to surgically donate while still alive. The film covers the psyche of people who would donate their penises, along with that of a man who started a museum based of them.
Whether you’re interested in the animal kingdom of penises or not, this place is definitely something special. Located in downtown Reykjavik, it’s a must see on the long list of attractions in the country (geysers, waterfalls, volcanos, glaciers, hotsprings, and a museum of mammal dicks). Plus, can you really tell yourself that you’ve seen all of Iceland’s natural beauty without knowing what a pickled narwhal penis looks like?
