Blake Lively has a starring role in this summer’s The Shallows (in theaters now), and it seems like a super fun (and, at times, scary) movie about a surfer who tries to escape shark-infested waters in Australia. We know Blake is up to the task because this isn’t the first time she’s swam with the sharks: Gossip Girl’s Constance Billiard, anyone? So, we started wondering: Which is scarier in any given situation? A shark or Blair Waldorf? Let's find out.
Fashion
While sharks are admittedly very beautiful creatures, Blair Waldorf is always dressed to kill. From her signature headbands to statement coats to her high-waisted skirts and lady-like dresses, you never know what evil motive Blair is hiding under her impeccable style. Not only is Blair’s style consistently fabulous, she’ll cut you down to size a la Little J if you don’t keep up with her impossibly high-fashion standards. Also, sharks don’t even know how to accessorize.
Scarier? Blair Waldorf.
Swimming
Even though Blair is no stranger to a late-night, drug-addled school pool party or a lay-out in the Hamptons, she is no match to sharks in the water. A great white shark can swim 35 miles per hour while chasing it’s prey, while Blair can’t even walk from her bedroom to the kitchen without getting tired and asking Dorota to fetch her a snack instead.
Scarier? Sharks.
Insults
Blair Waldorf had some of the best, most New York-specific insults in history and wasn’t afraid of putting her hangers-on, boyfriends, or best friends in their place, all while gracefully eating yogurt on the steps of the Met. Sharks can’t even talk, let alone uninvite you from the Kiss on the Lips party.
Scarier? Blair Waldorf.
Boys
Blair’s beauty, wit, and grace made her the belle of the Masquerade ball and had boys (and men, like Chuck’s creepy uncle Jack Bass) falling at her feet. While Blair did display some weakness in always going back to bad boy of the Upper East Side, Chuck Bass, and the two liked to get physical, it’s nothing compared to female sharks, who are left with “horrific bites” after mating!
Scarier? Sharks.
Friendship
Even though Blair was a self-proclaimed bitch at heart, we all know she had a soft spot for Serena. And despite their fights and falling-outs, Blair always had Serena’s back. The same cannot be said for sharks, who—judging from the Shallows trailer—really want a taste of Serena Blake’s infamous blonde hair and don’t seem capable of forming long-lasting friendships. If Blair knew Serena was in danger, she’d hire the first private jet out to Australia and save her, put a hit out on the sharks, and then use their teeth for a tasteful necklace. If we were the sharks, we’d be more afraid than Georgina Sparks at the end of season one.
Scarier? Blair Waldorf.
So who is the scariest of all? Blair Waldorf, of course! Sorry sharks—haven’t you heard that Blair is the crazy bitch around here?
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