Throwback Thursday: Hate arguing politics? Try silence

Editor's note: Arguing about politics is an American tradition, but sometimes the arguing turns into something darker. This year's presidential election isn't the first time the fight has been so harsh that people just get tired of it. But how to snuff out the hostility? In the Oct. 31, 1972, Green Sheet, longtime advice columnist Ione Quinby Griggs offered one frustrated reader a solution: Keep quiet. As Mrs. Griggs sometimes said, read on.

Discussion can be helpful, enlightening and of value in constructive communication, but doesn't it defeat these purposes when angry arguing takes over — when the issues are important ones like politics or religion, where all concerned may have a stake?

Mrs. Griggs: I have a husband who talks politics to the point where he can't be lived with. He eats and sleeps politics, seems even to dream about it, as it's the first thing he talks about when he gets up mornings. He is laughed at by my friends. He fights and argues with people who have been his friends. He fights with relatives about politics, and has them avoiding us.

Even though I voted with him in the last election, he argues that I am against him, that I didn't let him see who I voted for. He hates anyone who doesn't agree with him 100%. Don't we have a two-party system, Mrs. Griggs, and isn't it each one's privilege to vote the way one wants to?

He gets me to the point of desperation where I just want to leave. When I tell the children, they say I have as much right to be here as he has, and not to leave, but it is really hard to take.

Why can't people learn not to argue about politics? I'm beginning to think that being on one tack so much shows mental imbalance. I have thought of asking a doctor to talk to him, but I know I can't get him to one. We've been married 22 years, and every presidential election year it's the same.

Please publish this. He may see it and read your answer. In any event, please advise me.

I Need Quiet

I Need Quiet: Politics can be discussed constructively, even debated, with good results, but to argue heatedly with a closed mind, spewing anger, is is not only disturbing to others but detrimental to the arguer. It can be harassing to family, relatives and friends.

The only way I know to shorten a political harangue that isn't being blasted from a public soapbox or platform is to avoid arguing back or attempting to dissuade the haranguer with multiple words. If

I suggest you try it, also urge relatives and friends to keep still when your husband begins his spiel about politics. If he lacks opposition fuel, he may end on a blast, but this will be better than heated arguing between people or being egged on to defend his set opinions. One area of quiet will at least lessen the noise. What triggers the argument may very well be the person's own frustrations and a compulsion to have the limelight or be a know-all.

A political candidate may be chosen because he seems to reflect the haranguer's personal needs and views, but if there is anger to the point of refusing to see anyone else's right to an opinion, there is undoubtedly a far-out compulsion.

If the problem only causes harassment and embarrassment every four years, try to stand it until election day. Refuse to let your husband bait you into an argument about voting. Show him, if possible, that you admire some of his other qualities and views. When election is past, concentrate on building up his self-esteem in worthwhile areas so he won't go overboard in campaigning for notice.

I.Q.G.

About this feature 

Each Thursday, the Green Sheet brings back some of the stories and features that gave the old Green Sheet its distinct identity, including Ione Quinby Griggs' long-running advice column. Look for them in print and online at jsonline.com/greensheet.