How to Get a Girl to Kiss You if You Are a Girl

Co-authored by Deb Schneider, LCSW, PPSC

Last Updated: June 1, 2023 Fact Checked

Are you a girl who wants to get another girl to kiss you? This is a perfectly natural feeling, thought, or desire. You might wonder what it feels like or question whether or not you are LGBTQIA+. Whatever your reasons for wanting to get a girl to kiss you, you'll be more likely to make it happen if you know how to read her body language. If you want to get a girl to kiss you, or want to know if she's interested, just follow these steps.

Part 1

Part 1 of 2:

Reading the Signs

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1
See if the girl is open to kissing other girls. Before you try to get the girl to kiss you, you should make sure that your advances will actually be welcomed, so don't be too forward/harsh. If the girl is a lesbian or bisexual, then she's obviously open to kissing girls, but if she's just bi-curious, open to new experiences, and loves to experiment, then you may have a shot at it too but be gentle in your approach and give signs that you are interested. Though you can always ask her what she thinks, there are some other ways to know if she's open to kissing girls:
- If you want to know whether she's open to kissing girls, you can bring up some lesbians in the popular media, such as K.D. Lang, Ellen, the Indigo Girls, or a number of other women. If she's excited to talk about them and mentions more gay content, then it may be more likely that she's open to kissing girls. Though liking these women doesn't make her a lesbian, it indicates that she's accepting of women who like to kiss women.
- If you know the girl pretty well, you can also just try casually asking her if she's kissed a girl before. Even if you're both just bi-curious, this conversation shouldn't make her feel too uncomfortable if she knows you well enough.
- You can also just bring up other girls kissing to gauge her reaction. You can say, "Did you see Mandi and Anna kissing each other in the halls?" See what she thinks.
2
See if she'd be open to kissing you. Even if the girl is a proud and open lesbian, that doesn't mean that she'd want to kiss any girl who comes in her path just because she's gay, and that's including you. Read the signs to see if the girl is into you or not. If she flirts with you, leans close to you when she talks, occasionally runs her hands through your hair, and gets very touchy-feely with you, then it's more likely that she wants to kiss you.
- If she's always complimenting your looks and doesn't do it in a superficial way, then she may be telling you that she likes you.
- If she's looking at your lips and makes intense eye contact, then she may want to kiss you.
- Just keep in mind that if you're both straight and just want to experiment, then it's different from you being straight and wanting to kiss your lesbian friend just for fun. If you think it would be "cool" to make out with your lesbian friend but don't really have feelings for her, she may be very offended and think that you don't take her sexuality seriously.

Part 2

Part 2 of 2:

Kissing the Girl

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1
Find a private place. You want to make sure that you keep this between the two of you for now. Unless you're looking for that drunken make-out in a bar situation with your straight best friend, it's best to keep things private if the girl means something to you. Unless you're both out, she may not be comfortable kissing you in a public, or even a semi-public setting, and the kiss will mean more anyway if you're alone. Here are some private places to try to kiss the girl:
- Invite her over to watch a movie. Dim the lights and watch her body language as the movie progresses. You could try to kiss her during the movie or afterward.
- Invite her over for a sleepover. If you're the right age, then having a sleepover can be a good way to get more intimate with the girl and to try to get her to kiss you in a private place. Just make sure you read the signs carefully and try it when it's almost time for bed. If you try to kiss her right away and she's not into it, that would make for an awkward evening.
- Go for a walk to a private place in the evening. Go for a walk through a park or garden as the sun is setting and find a private spot there. This would also be a more romantic setting.
2
Make physical contact upon receiving consent. If you've chosen a bedroom, lie on the bed next to her, then move closer and try to snuggle a little and see how she responds and try to give her a little hug but not too obvious and then lean over a touch her lips with yours and see how she responds. If you're standing up, try to touch her face. If she touches yours, or adjusts your hair or picks lint off your jacket, those are good signs. Only go forward if she seems open to your advances so far. If she seems standoffish or tries to make a lot of jokes, looks around the room, or seems distracted, back off.^{[1]
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- Try touching her hair. Tell her you like her hair or the way she's styled it.
- Touch her jewelry and tell her you like them. This is a sneaky way to get closer to her.
- Gently graze her arm or shoulder. Keep making physical contact as you're talking.
- Lean closer to her. If you're lying down, move your body closer to her as you speak.
3
Make her comfortable. Put her at ease, and try to make her feel safe.^{[2]
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Expert Source

Deb Schneider, LCSW, PPSC
Licensed Clinical Social Worker

Expert Interview. 24 September 2019.} She may want to kiss you, but she could also be scared about it at the same time. Talk to her and act casual, but not too casual. Make sure she has a hint that you like her as more than a friend. Here are some things that you can say to put her at ease:^{[3]
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- If she resists at all, calm her nerves by saying, "Are you scared?" If she says yes, tell her not to be, and just give her a nice hug and let her go.
- If she says, "A little," ask, "Of me?" If she says no, you should move closer to her.
Nuzzle into her a little bit, but if she backs off, tries to move away, or squirms, stop immediately. If she nuzzles into you or returns any kind of affection, look at her. If she is gazing back at you, look at her mouth. If you notice that she's looking at your mouth, she is definitely ready. If her eyes are closed or half closed, reach under her chin and gently tip her face up so that you can look at her.^{[4]
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Have an unforgettable first kiss. Don't shove your tongue down her throat, and don't make it a marathon. Kiss her gently at first. If she responds warmly, by kissing you back, you can kiss her again, and let the kiss deepen as the moment grows. But for a first kiss, try to use some restraint and make it really romantic and wonderful.^{[5]
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- That doesn't mean you make it a chaste, boring kiss either - part your lips slightly, making sure they're kissable and soft by licking them slightly.
- When you kiss her, hold her and make it romantic and sweet. If this is your first kiss of many with this girl, you'll both have very fond memories of this moment, so make it count.
- If your kiss starts getting more intense, you can let your hands wander if you are exploring each other's bodies. If the girl is shyer, she may be waiting for you to make more of the moves. Making "the" move is the most detrimental part of getting her to kiss you. You need to be 100% prepared and sure that this is the decision you're willing to make. Do you need to be sure that if this has a potential to ruin your friendship, do you really want to go through with it? After you kiss her smile don't look awkward and uninterested, you can also give her a hug and snuggle together.

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Question

I told her that I love her and it hurt that I didn't have a chance with her. She told me that I did have a chance with her. That's the only time she's hinted that she's not straight. What should I do?

MADISON BARNHILL

Community Answer

Just ask her directly if she has feelings for you. It sounds like she does, but maybe she's still working things out with her sexuality, or she's not sure if she's ready for a relationship. I suggest asking if you can talk to her somewhere private and if she does reciprocate your feelings, then kiss her.

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What should I do with my hands/body when we kiss if I'm much taller than my girlfriend?

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Hold her waist. Put your hands on either side of her face. Hold the sides of her hips. Hold her hands. If it's more heated and you have some privacy you could pick her up and put her on a counter or something similar so you're closer in height.

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How do I make sure I have fresh breath?

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Brush your teeth with a minty toothpaste and/or rinse with mouthwash. You could also eat mints or chew gum.

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Tips

Smile in a playful way when you are talking to her.

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If she does not seem receptive to your advances, respect her boundaries and stop trying to kiss her.

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Don't have bad breath when you kiss her. Use breath mints.

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Warnings

Make sure she is comfortable that you're LGBT and has granted consent. If she isn't, then she won't appreciate your attempt to kiss her. In this case, leave her alone and forget it as it could risk your friendship.

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Make sure she's not dating anyone before you do this.

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Don't say anything nasty or provocative. Keep it sweet and "PG-13".

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Don't push her away if she wants to kiss you.

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